When I was in the library tonight, I thought about what I experienced five years ago and try to find what led to that status of mind. Adopting the perspective that “if a man does not have an independent spirit, he can not help loose himself sometimes, due to some attractions or temptations”, I sort of see one reason might be that I didn’t form a independent spirit at that time( or even now…), and when I found myself contradict some of my previous beliefs, I had no vision to overcome but to struggle.
So I think I really sort of connecting some dots of what I was and what I’m now today. This motivates me to continue the search into my past and future. It’s really great when you ultimately find a possible reason like this cos this might open a workable way to be the person I wanna be like.
May the force be with me~